


It Hurts

by deadhuntress



Series: Season 12 Codas [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Crying Dean, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s12e03 The Foundry, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-29 08:09:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8481973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadhuntress/pseuds/deadhuntress
Summary: Dean swallowed hard and squeezed his eyes shut. “It hurts,” he said softly. “She left me,” he continued, those three little words bringing up a whole slew of painful memories. “Left me,” he repeated. “Just like everyone–” he took a deep, shuddering breath as he felt fresh tears run down his cheeks and buried his head further into Castiel’s chest. “Everyone leaves me,” he whispered.
 
Episode coda for 12x03 The Foundry.





	

“Do you think she regrets it?”

Dean didn’t elaborate, but he figured Castiel understood what he meant when he pressed yet another gentle kiss to Dean’s forehead. Dean wiped his eyes yet again as Castiel answered with an unwavering, “No.”

Maybe he could tell Dean was about to speak again, because he continued firmly but gently, “She loves you, Dean. You’re still her son. She just needs time to reconcile her memories of a four-year-old and a baby to the two grown men you are today.”

Dean was silent for a long moment, not wanting to voice his biggest worry. Finally, though, he forced it out. “It’d be easier for her if she’d stayed in heaven.”

“Dean…” Castiel murmured. “Maybe it would be easier. But this will be worth it in the end, once everything settles.”

Dean bit his lip. “What if it’s not? What if she doesn’t come back?”

“She will,” Castiel assured him. “She just needs to figure out where she belongs in this world.” He sighed. “Not only did she jump over thirty years into the future, she lost her whole family by doing so. Yes, she has you and Sam,” he continued, seeming to sense Dean’s next comment, “but she lost her husband and her little boys. She loved – loves – John. She needs time to grieve.”

Dean swallowed hard and squeezed his eyes shut. “It hurts,” he said softly. “She left me,” he continued, those three little words bringing up a whole slew of painful memories. “Left me,” he repeated. “Just like everyone–” he took a deep, shuddering breath as he felt fresh tears run down his cheeks and buried his head further into Castiel’s chest. “Everyone leaves me,” he whispered. “Dad left me, Sammy left me, _you_ left me. Doesn’t anyone–” He broke off and swallowed deeply, his words bringing to mind all those things he never wanted to remember: Dad leaving him for hunts, deserting him without a second thought; Sam, waving goodbye when he left for Stanford, his excited grin cutting into Dean’s heart like a knife; Cas, leaving him for Heaven, for Purgatory, for Lucifer.

“Why does everyone leave me?” Dean suddenly felt suffocated by the memories, throat closing up tightly and stomach lurching like he was about to vomit. He rolled over, nearly falling off his small mattress, and curled up into a ball. “I can’t take it anymore,” he whispered.

He felt the bed dip followed by a gentle caress on his shoulder as Castiel shifted closer, giving Dean space but also reminding him that he was still there.

“I came back,” Castiel said softly. “I came back and Sam came back, and Mary… Your mother will return, Dean. Just give her time.”

“I don’t–” Dean swallowed. “I thought for once something good happened to us. Just once.”

“Something good _did_ happen to you,” Castiel said, continuing to rub Dean’s back. “You have your mother for the first time since you were four.”

Dean didn’t speak and Castiel didn’t push him to, instead shifting closer and rolling Dean over to cup his face and wipe the streaks of tears from his cheeks. He placed a gentle kiss to Dean’s cheek and Dean squeezed his eyes shut to try and stop more tears from falling.

“It’s not fair,” Dean said finally. “I _need_ her. I need her, just like I need Sammy, and you. I need you so bad, Cas,” Dean choked out, feeling as Castiel pulled him tighter.

“You will always have me,” Castiel reassured him. “I will always come back to you, Dean. I love you.”

Dean nodded, burying his face into Castiel’s chest, which was warm and firm and smelled like Dean’s cologne but with an underlying hint of something electric, like ozone before a summer rainstorm. He wasn’t sure how long they laid there together, but eventually his tears dried and he was left feeling distinctly empty, like he’d been drained of his emotions.

“You need sleep,” Castiel said finally, breaking the silence. He carefully extricated himself from Dean’s grasp and then pulled Dean off the bed, undressing him slowly and tenderly. Dean remained quiet and fairly still, only moving enough to allow Castiel to remove his over-shirt and jeans to leave him in his boxers and a t-shirt, at which point Castiel gently helped him back onto the bed and under the covers before climbing in from the other side. Dean watched him silently as the angel shifted onto his side and made himself comfortable.

“Dean?” he asked when he looked up and saw Dean’s steady gaze.

“Kiss me,” Dean pleaded in a whisper. “I don’t wanna think right now.”

Castiel nodded and moved closer, placing his lips to Dean’s in a soft kiss. Dean sighed and closed his eyes, and Castiel met his lips again, this time with a little more force, entwining the fingers of one hand with Dean’s as his other stroked through Dean’s hair.

“I love you,” he murmured against Dean’s lips. “More than you know.”

Castiel’s tongue traced the curve of Dean’s lips until Dean parted them, allowing Castiel to explore his mouth and take full control. “My love,” Castiel said softly against Dean’s lips and Dean’s hand tightened involuntarily around Castiel’s shirt at the words.

“Cas,” he breathed.

“Shh, Dean,” Castiel murmured. He kissed Dean again, and Dean tried to let himself go, let himself forget everything except Castiel’s lips and strength and warmth as his eyes fluttered shut. He was falling asleep, finally, but he said nothing, instead letting Castiel continue to kiss him until he drifted off into a peaceful slumber.

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on Tumblr at [thetideseternaltune](http://thetideseternaltune.tumblr.com/) (main blog) or [hunterangelkisses](http://hunterangelkisses.tumblr.com/) (SPN sideblog)!


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